


Anxiety - A Rhekker Story

by RhekkerWriter



Category: Chicago Med
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2020-11-28 06:04:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20961701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhekkerWriter/pseuds/RhekkerWriter
Summary: The stress of patients and person issues over time leaves Connor in bundles of stress, making it so he needs the one he loves, Ava Bekker.Updates might take a while because this is a story I write at school when I've got time.





	1. What Causes Stress

**Author's Note:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS NOT ADVISED TO VEGETARIANS OR VEGANS! SO IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE, PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER

**(Patient’s P.O.V)**

It’s 3:24 in the morning when I wake up to a big bang. I walk out to the kitchen, where the bang had taken place. I rub my eyes and I’m suddenly shocked to see that it’s my cat, exploded in the microwave! I walk over to my exploded cat and prayed for it. After praying, I swing open the microwave, grab my spoon, and have a taste.

“Yum!” I exclaim. “Dim sims!”

At that second, my pet pig walks in and freezes at the sight. “Oink, oink!” it squeaks, slowly making its way towards me.

“You’re next,” I wickedly laugh. The sound of my evil cackle echo’s throughout the room. I stomp over to the pig, my spoon in my right hand. I forcefully shove the spoon down its throat as it tastes the delicious leftovers from the cat.

The pig screeches as I slide the spoon down its throat and pull it back out. I lick the spoon in delight, “mmm,” I say. I’m suddenly shocked a blood-curling from the doorway.

It’s my wife.

We speed off to the hospital as my wife is crying, thinking I’m a psychopath. We arrive there and my wife immediately asks for a shrink, “We need a shrink! ASAP! My husband is a psychopath!” The woman at the counter of the E.D grabs out her iPad and taps on it a few times.

A few minutes later, a person who looks like a doctor comes out, “alright, who asked for a shrink?” The doctor looks quite old, and a bit on the larger side, he was obviously greying and he had a sweater-vest and tie underneath his coat. My wife and I stand up and go towards the doctor.

“We did,” My wife says, clearly calmed down.

“I’m Doctor. Charles,” the man states.

**(Dr. Charles P.O.V)**

“Could you follow me please,” I ask the husband and wife and they immediately nod. I direct them to the consolation room. “Why did you ask for a psychiatrist?” I ask them.

The wife begins to speak, “Well I woke up to my husband, Johnny, blowing up the cat in the microwave and then eating the inside of the pig’s throat.”

“Let me just say, that the cat was already exploded,” Johnny chimes in.

“That doesn’t change anything Johnathan!” The wife yells to John.

“FINE! Call me a psycho all you want Ally, but I just wanted some dim-sims and bacon as a midnight snack!”

The fight between Johnny and Ally goes on for the next five minutes until Johnny whips a spoon out of his pocket, and scrapes the spoon against Ally’s skin.

“Dr. Manning! We need help in here!” I yell into the E.D. Dr. Manning quickly rushes in with April right behind her.

“Security! We to put this man in restraints!” Dr. Manning shouts into the Emergency Department.

**(Dr. Manning’s P.O.V)**

I watch as the man gets dragged out of the consultation room and lifted onto the bed. The nurses push him to treatment room 5 and I can still hear him screaming. “Hey, can you come with me, please? I’ll go take a look at that scoop,” I ask the wife and she nods. We both stand up and I direct her to treatment room 4. I sit her down on the bed and I grab a bottle of iodine so I pour it on Ally. “Ally, this is going to sting for a bit but it will stop infection, okay?” Ally nods and I pour the whole bottle on her with her wincing, “it’s okay, the pain will pass.”

Ally suddenly starts balling her eyes out and my initial reaction is to give her a hug, “I’m sorry Dr. Manning, I just… I just, I’m gonna leave my husband, I can’t live with a psychopath.”

I look at Ally sympathetically and say, “I know it’s a hard choice, but if you think it’s the right one Ally, that’s your choice.”

“Thank you Dr. Manning.”

“I’ll go get your discharge papers ready,” I say to Ally and walk out of the room. As soon as I walk out the alarm starts going off from Ally’s room. I turn around and there’s blood everywhere. “Dr. Halstead! Page Dr. Rhodes and Dr. Bekker! We need to take Ally to surgery ASAP!” I shout to Will.


	2. Thoughts and Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR ANXIETY, NIGHTMARES, AND PANIC ATTACKS

**(Dr. Rhodes P.O.V)**

I'm walking to find Ava when my phone goes off and I sprint to the emergency room. When I get there, I notice that Ava is already there, "Dr. Bekker," I say when I see her.

"Dr. Rhodes," Ava says back with a little smile.

"Alright, she's bleeding out, page O.R and tell them that we need of O-negative blood ready, she needs to be taken to surgery and her tissue needs to be repaired," I say. Everyone nods and pull the rail's up on the patient's bed and pushes her out of the room into the direction of the O.R. I take a deep breath and look at Ava and she walks up to me and gives me a hug.

"It's okay to cry Connor, you've been under lots of stress. Here, follow me."

Ava places her hand in front of me and I grab it and she directs me to the doctor's lounge. She plonks me down on the couch and I begin to cry. Ava sits down next to me and then wraps her arms around me, "it's okay, Connor. It'll be okay."

I continue to cry in Ava's arms for a good half hour until I finally calm down and look up at her from my slump, "you don't have to be here you know?" I say to Ava drowsily.

"Yeah, I do. I told Maggie that we're taking a personal hour," Ava replies.

"You didn't have to do that Ava, I can take care of myself."

"Yes I did, Connor, you're about to fall asleep.

**(Dr. Bekker's P.O.V)**

I look down at Connor and see that he has fallen asleep. I check the time and sigh when I find out that we only have 20 minutes left of personal time. I stroke Connor's hair as he sleeps peacefully in our arms. Maggie walks in and sees Connor sleeping on the couch in my arms, "Hey Ava, Ally's out of surgery if you want to go check up on her. Is Connor okay?"

"Thanks, Maggs, I'll go check on Ally. Connor is really tired and he's really stressed out of the moment."

Maggie nods and looks down at Connor, "okay, if you want, I can give him another hour of personal time." I nod my head, quietly thank Maggie, and walk out of the room to the recovery ward to see Ally.

I knock on the door to Ally's room and wait for acceptance, "hey Ally, I heard the surgery was successful."

"Yeah, it was, I'm feeling better. Thank you, Dr. Bekker," Ally says, I nod at her and walk out. My phone goes off and I see that I've been paged. I run down to the E.D and see what Maggie wants.

"Hey, Connor's talking in his sleep, maybe a nightmare, Nat told me. You might want to go check on him," Maggie tells me. I don't even think once before I'm sprinting to the doctor's lounge. I push the door open and look at Connor who is sweating and crying.

"Connor, wake up it's a dream, you're okay. It's me, Ava." I say to him, trying to wake him up. He stirs in his sleep for a bit and cries some more.

Suddenly Connor shoots up, "leave me alone! Go away!"

I pull back and try to calm him down, "Connor, it's me, Ava. You're okay. I'm here." Connor looks up at me and pulls himself into my chest and cries. "Connor, you're okay, it's okay," I console as I hold him whilst he sobs.

"You're dead, Ava you're not here!" Connor exclaims.

"Connor. I'm not dead, I'm right here. Everything's fine."

Everything goes silent for about 10 seconds before Connor speaks up, "Avey? You're not dead?" He asks.

"Yeah, Connor, I'm okay! Nothing happened to me," I reply in concern.

"Avey?" Connor says after a while, "can you stay with me tonight?"

"Of course Connor. I'll stay with you as long as you need." I get up to leave but Connor stops me.

"Wait, can I tell you what happened." I sit back down and nod my head, so Connor starts, "well, I was watching the whole thing between Johnny and Ally up until the scrape, but when we had to take Ally to surgery, I was kinda scared that Johnny was gonna barge into the O.R and scoop you," Connor's eyes start watering again, "I was so scared that he was gonna kill you. I don't want to lose you," he whimpers.

"Hey, no man with a spoon will ever kill me. No one will take me away from you," I tell Connor and give him a kiss, then get up and do my work.


	3. You look like yourself, but you're somebody else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ! Trigger Warning: Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Depression(?), SELF HARM so if that's not your cup of tea, skip to the next chapter, or leave this story now because there will be more.
> 
> Title from: You're Somebody Else by flora cash

**(Connor’s P.O.V)**

I’m peacefully sleeping when I wake up to a shatter coming from the kitchen. I look at my alarm clock and notice that its 2:32 am, so I decide to get up and investigate what Ava is up to. I sleepily walk into the kitchen and notice the glass all over the floor and I see Ava on the couch crying. I suddenly wake up from my daze and walk over to Ava, trying to avoid the glass. I sit myself down next to her and pull her into a cuddle. “I’m sorry, Connor. I didn’t mean to! I couldn’t sleep so I tried to get a glass of water but… but… I smashed the glass,” Ava cries.

“Avey, it’s okay. Accidents happen,” I say as I try to console her. I look down to her hands and notice that she’s holding a cut on her arm, “Ava sweetie, we need to clean that up.” Ava looks down at the cut and nods her head.

I gently lift her up and direct her to the bathroom. I turn on the water and wet a hand towel and apply it to Ava’s cut. “Avey, how did this happen? You’re usually so careful,” I sympathetically say to her.

Ava shrugs her shoulders and after a while, she begins to speak, “it slipped out of my hand, and then I slipped on the water on the ground when I tried cleaning it up.” I nod my head and lift up the towel to see if the cut had stopped bleeding, but when I lift up the towel, I see scars, lots of them. Some old ones, some new ones. I start tracing over them, ignoring the open-cut that I’m treating, and I look up into Ava’s eyes and I spot that she’s also looking, but she’s crying again. I pull her into my chest and listen to her cry while I rub her back.

After about half an hour, I speak up, “Avey?” I question. Ava looks up at me with the saddest eyes, which are still watering, “why?” I try not to overstep while asking this, I just want answers.

Ava takes a deep breath and looks back down, “it started so many years ago when I was still in South Africa. I was having a really bad time at home with my family and that’s when it started. No one at home ever noticed, so when I came here, I was so alone and in such a dark place, I kept doing it. When I met you, Connor, I felt like I could breathe again, like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I stopped for ages, but one day, quite recently, I got a phone call from my mom. She was asking me to come back home, and I said no. She yelled at me, telling me how much of a disappointment I was and how she never wanted to see me again. I fell back into that dark place and started cutting again. I don’t know how to stop Connor!”

Ava starts crying and I wipe away my tears and pull her back into my chest. “Avey, I’m so sorry that I didn’t notice sooner!”

Ava shakes her head and looks at me dead in the eye, “Connor, it wasn’t your job to notice. Anyways, I should be the one who’s sorry for not telling you. It’s just really hard to talk about.”

I nod my head in understanding and then open my mouth to speak, “if you want, we can go and get you the help you need. Only if you want to though. I’m not going to force you into anything,” I tell Ava in concern. Ava doesn’t do anything but nod her head, but that’s enough to know that she wants help. “Okay Avey, We’ll go see who Dr. Charles suggests tomorrow, okay?” Again, Ava nods her head and gets up to go back to bed. I follow Ava and lay down next to her.

Instead of going to sleep, I begin thinking. ‘_Avey is just like me. Lost, scared and trying to find her way through life._’ I plug my earphones into Ava’s phone and listen to one of her playlists. It’s not uncommon, I do it all the time when I can’t sleep, but when I put the playlist on shuffle, the first song that plays is _You’re Somebody Else _by Flora Cash. I quickly start crying from the lyrics but not for me, for Ava. The lyrics relate to her so well. I begin crying for Ava because I just want her to be happy. I don’t want her to be hurting. She doesn’t deserve that pain, all she deserves is happiness. I look over to hair and just run my fingers through her hair while I slowly fall asleep. Eventually, I fall into a peaceful sleep while holding onto Ava and crying silently.


	4. Dizziness and Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Depression(?), SELF HARM so if that's not your cup of tea, skip to the next chapter, or leave this story now because there will be more.

**(Ava’s P.O.V)**

I wake up after a long night of tears. I look over to Connor and sigh when I see he’s got my phone again. I gently take out my phone and then I take his earphones out of his ears. He scrunches his face but goes back to sleep almost immediately. I go and get ready for work at MED.

After a while, Connor wakes up and gives me a hug, “you feeling better today baby?” He asks me. I nod my head. He may think that I’m lying, but I’m telling the truth. I’m feeling so much better than last night. “That’s good. If you still want, we’ll go talk to Dr. Charles and see who he recommends,” Connor says.

“No thanks, can it wait a while?” I ask, “I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

“Of course Avey. Take as much time as you need.” Connor replies and kisses my forehead.

I sit down and watch Connor as he packs lunches for the two of us, but I’m more daydreaming until he yells, “Avey!” I look up at him and he looks at me, concerned. “You okay?” He asks.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I reply. Connor nods his head and gives me my lunch.

“Okay, let’s go before we’re late,” he says. I stand up and walk with Connor to his car. “Where are you today? He asks me.

“I’m up in C.T. You?” I reply.

“I’m in E.D, so we won’t see much of each other today. Wanna meet in the cafeteria for lunch?” I hesitate for a moment, because ever since the phone call with my mother, I’ve tried to eat as little as possible, but I can’t tell Connor that, so I agree, “Yeah, okay. Noon?” We both agree and I notice that we’ve made it to MED, so I take off my seatbelt and hop out of the car and walk towards the E.D entrance with Connor’s hand in mine. When we get inside, I kiss Connor and walk towards the elevator.

After a few hours, I find myself walking towards the cafeteria to meet Connor. I look around and see Connor smiling at me. I go and sit down in front of him and laugh, “You’re a goof-ball you know that?”

“Yeah I know that, what would you like?” Connor asks me.

I think for a moment before replying, “Just a small bowl of fruit. How has your day been so far?” I ask him.

“It’s been quite quiet down in the E.D today, how about you?” Connor replies after he gets our food.

“Well, I’ve been yelled at by a patient for ‘doing their surgery wrong’ when the surgery went perfectly, and then Latham had a go at me for whatever again. So yeah, it’s been good. Also, before I forget, what time do you get off?” I rant.

“That sounds like a pretty crappy day. I get off at 10. Why?”

“Oh, just so I know if I should worry about dinner or not. I get off at 7.”

“It’s okay, Avey. I’ll get myself dinner after my shift. Connor tells me.

“Alright then, I’ll see you after your shift.” I stand up and give Connor a kiss before going back up to C.T.

I chuck my keys onto the bench as soon as I walk through the doors of my and Connor’s apartment. I lock myself in the bathroom and get out my razor blade and clean it. I pull up my sleeve and push the razor blade up against my skin. I wince at the sudden pain and watch as the cut begins to bleed. It’s an oddly satisfying pain.

_One cut for my shitty day_

_One cut for my patient being unhappy_

_One cut for disappointing Dr. Latham_

_One cut for disappointing my mother_

_One cut for over-eating_

I look down at the blood and begin cleaning it all up. I grab a hand towel and press it against my wrist. I suddenly hear the front door open, so I turn on the shower and quickly get in. “Avey?” Connor knocks on the door, “I’m home!”

“Yep, I’m wrapping it up now!” I shout back. I look down at my wrist, which is still bleeding and take a deep breath. I hop out of the shower and dry myself off. I begin brushing my hair and I look for bandages. I finally find some after a bit of searching and I sigh in relief when I see them. I begin wrapping it around my wrist and then I hear the door knock again, “Ava? Are you okay? You’ve been in there for a while.”

“Yeah, I’m just about done! I’ll be out in a second, Connor,” I reply.

I walk out of the bathroom with a –fake- smile on my face and I go up to Connor and kiss him. “You’re off early,” I say to him.

“Yeah, well, you had a bad day so I got Dr. Marcel to cover for me. I just wanted to be with you for as long as possible,” Connor tells me with love written all over his face.

“I love you,” I blurt out without realising it. Once I’ve noticed what I said, I run and lock myself in the bathroom.

“Avey! There was no need to run!” Connor yells into the bathroom.

“What do you mean?” I yell back, also crying.

“Because I love you too!” Everything goes silent for about 10 seconds before Connor yells, “So open this damn door so I can kiss you!”  


I slowly open the door and suddenly our lips are collided. We pull away and Connor wipes away my tears. “Don’t cry, Avey.”  
“Sorry, it’s just that, I don’t know how you could love me. I’m a mess,” I cry.

“Hey, that’s okay! A mess can be fixed right? You won’t go through anything alone,” Connor says as he looks at me dead in the eye.

“Thank you, Connor. I love you so much. Ever since my mom said that I disappoint her, I thought that no one would ever love me again,” tears begin welling up in my eyes again and Connor wipes away the tears that have fallen almost immediately.

“Hey, don’t let your mother be the cause of your tears. You will always have someone who will love you, and you know who that is?”  
“You?” I ask like a little kid.

“That’s right. Now let’s snuggle on the sofa. I’ll watch Glee with you?”

**(Connor’s P.O.V)**

After about an hour of watching Glee, I look down at Ava and notice that she has fallen asleep. I pick her up and take her to our bedroom and lay her down on our bed. I take off her pants and change them into pajama pants, then I slowly take off her shirt. I spot bandages on her wrist and sigh. I hold on to her hand for about 20 seconds before I put on her matching pajama shirt. I kiss her forehead, and I leave the room so I can get myself ready for bed. I’ll ask her about the bandages in the morning.

I wake up the next morning and check the time, it’s 06:36. I look to the other side of the bed and see that Ava is still sleeping peacefully. I get up and begin making Avey and I breakfast. Once breakfast is ready, I walk into our room and wake Avey up, “Hey, Aves, breakfast is ready, gorgeous. Might wanna get up and eat before work,” I say.

“No breakfast. More sleep,” Ava grumbles.

“Come on, Avey. I made scrambled eggs, your favourite.”

“Fine. Only because you made it,” Ava finally agrees.

**(Ava’s P.O.V)**

Once I’m done eating breakfast, which I barely ate, I get changed for work and leave. I’m in the E.D today and Connor starts later than me, so I have more time to myself. “Hey Ava! Ready for a long day?” Natalie says as soon as I walk in.

“Hey Nat. Yeah, I’m as ready as you are,” I reply.

“Okay cool! I need you for a consult.”

“Right behind you Nat!” I go in for the consult and as I walk out, I become really dizzy. I grab something next to me for balance, I squeeze my eyes shut, and I rub my forehead.

“Ava? Ava, are you okay?” I barely hear Natalie say.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I attempt to say, but then I passes out.


	5. Tears and Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Depression(?), SELF HARM so if that's not your cup of tea, skip to the next chapter, or leave this story now because there will be more.

**(Natalie’s P.O.V)**

I immediately rush to Ava’s aid as soon as I see her fall. “Will! Help me lift Ava into a treatment room!” I yell to will as soon as I see him rushing towards us.

“Maggie! Call Connor! Ava’s passed out!” Will yells.

“Got it!” Maggie replies as she gets her phone out. Will and I get Ava into a room and April walks in a few seconds later.

“Hey, connect Ava onto monitors and get LABS done,” I say to her. April nods her head and begins hooking her up to leads. I walk out of the room, then April calls me back.

“Hey, Dr. Manning, come take a look at Ava,” I walk back into Ava’s room, April has got a gown on the edge of the bed and Ava’s shirt is off. I take a good look at Ava and notice that she’s extremely underweight. I get out the blood sugar monitor and test Ava.

“3.8,” I start, “that’s why she fainted, hold the LABS, we’ll wait and see what Connor says.” At that second, Connor walks in.

I finish explaining what happened to Ava to Connor and he walks out with tears of guilt in his eyes. I look over towards Ava, and I notice that she’s waking up. “Ava?” I ask her. Ava looks up at me.

“Natalie?” She slurs, “What happened?”

“You passed out from low blood sugar,” I explain.

“Connor?” She says with tears welling in her eyes.

“He’s here. He’s just gone out to get a drink,” as if on cue, Connor walks.

“Avey? Here, have a chocolate bar,” he says as he walks up to Ava.”

“Hey, Connor, do you mind if I go get Dr. Charles so you can tell me everything? Including the bandages?” I ask Connor.

“Yeah, alright. I’m not 100% sure what’s under the bandages, but I have a strong feeling,” he replies. I nod my head and walk out. I get out my iPad to page Dr. Charles, but then I see him across the E.D.

I explain the whole situation to Dr. Charles and then he follows me to Ava’s room.

**(Ava’s P.O.V)**

“Hi, Dr. Bekker, Dr. Rhodes,” Dr. Charles starts, “I heard what happened Ava, are you okay?” He asks.

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t really know,” I reply. Connor looks at me with so much love in his eyes.

“Ava, do you want me to say everything?” Connor asks me.

“Yeah,” I whisper.

Connor takes a deep breath, “Ava has a history of self-harm,” he starts. Connor continues the whole story as I watch Dr. Charles take notes, “I also haven’t really seen her eat anything in a while now that I think about it,” he adds at the end. I take a deep breath and begin to cry. “Avey? Are you okay, sweetie?” I shake my head furiously. Connor pulls me into his chest and I cry.

“There’s more, isn’t there?” Dr. Charles asks, concerned.

I nod my head, “yeah,” I start, “It’s my mother. She called me a fat-ass and that made me really insecure. I was afraid that Connor wouldn’t love me if I’m fat, so, I stopped eating altogether,” I say while crying.

“Avey, I love you no matter what!” Connor hugs me and whispers.

“What about the bandages?” Dr. Charles asks.

**(Connor’s P.O.V)**

“It was a really shitty day, and I just wanted to go home and rest,” Ava starts.

“Do you remember what happened that day?” Asks Dr. Charles.

“Yeah, um, I know Dr. Latham yelled at me for some reason, a patient yelled at me for doing a surgery wrong and then leaving the wrong scar, and I over-ate,” Ava takes a shaky breath before continuing, “I was so overwhelmed and I needed a release. Once I got home, I locked myself in the bathroom, got out my razor blade, and cut my wrist 5 times,” Ava starts sobbing.

“Avey, why didn’t you tell me?” I ask with tears in my eyes.

“I was afraid that you would send me to get help and I didn’t want that!” Ava yells.

“Ava, calm down. We could have just talked through it!” Ava’s breathing starts to get heavy and her heart rate starts to rise.

“Ava? Ava, are you okay?” Dr. Charles asks.

Ava shakes her head and wheezes out, “I... I… Pa-nic A-ttack!”

“Connor, put the oxygen mask on her, we won’t sedate her unless we have to,” Dr. Charles says calmly. I nod my head and grab the oxygen mask and place it on her face.


	6. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Depression(?), SELF HARM so if that's not your cup of tea, skip to the next chapter, or leave this story now because there will be more.

**(Connor’s P.O.V)**

After a while, Ava’s calmed down and we’re able to ask questions again. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Ava whispers.

“Ava, it’s okay. You had a panic attack,” Dr. Charles quietly says back. Ava nods her head and looks at me. I stand up from my chair and sit down on her bed. I wrap my arms around Ava and cuddle her.

“Are you okay, Avey?” I ask carefully.

“Yeah, I feel alright now. Is there anything else you would like to ask, Dr. Charles?”

“No there isn’t Dr. Bekker, but I would like you to meet with me once a week at the moment. Does Monday at 9am work for you?”

“That should work. Thank you Dr. Charles.

Ava and I agree on the set time with Dr. Charles and he walks out of the room. “Ava, are you okay?” I ask Ava after a while.

Ava looks up at the I.V fluids, “yeah. I’m as well as I can be in my current situation,” Ava softly replies.

“Why didn’t you tell me about your insecurities? We could have made your portion sizes smaller so it didn’t get to this point!” I raise my voice the tiniest bit. I don’t mean to, but I’m really concerned for Avey.

“I’m sorry, Connor! I didn’t mean for it to get this bad!” Ava shouts shakily.

“Ava, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you! I’m just scared myself. I’m bashing myself up for not noticing sooner!”

“Connor, it’s not your job to notice.”

“We live together, Aves! I should have noticed.”

Ava gives me a stern look, “Connor. It’s not your fault. I’ve been distant. If anything, this is my fault.”

Dr. Manning walks back inside Ava’s room after about 10 minutes, “is everything okay in here?” She asks Ava. Ava and I both nod our heads in sync, “alright. Ava, once your I.V is empty, you’re free to go home. Also you, Connor. You both have 3 days off each to wrap your heads around everything. Also Connor, Dr. Charles wanted me to give this to you, it’s a guide. It’s how to help Ava while she recovers. I’ll leave you two be and I’ll get your discharge papers ready. Get well soon Ava,” We both thank Natalie and she walks out of the room.

**(Ava’s P.O.V)**

My I.V eventually empties and Connor and I are free to go home, “alright Avey, do you want to eat “something? A bowl of fruit maybe?” Connor asks me.

“Yeah, alright,” I mumble.

“Ava, you have to eat. I don’t want you to pass out again!” Connor raises his voice.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. Yeah, I’ll have a bowl of fruit. Remember though, no kiwi fruit. I’m allergic.”

Connor laughs, “Yeah, I know Avey, you tell me every time.” Connor stands up and grabs fruit out of the bowl. I watch Connor as he cuts the fruit and puts it in the bowl. I go into a daze and think. “What ya thinking about Aves?” I shrug my shoulders and Connor brings the bowl of fruit over to me, “Ava, you can tell me.”

“Just thinking about how much you care about me,” I giggle.

“Yeah, that’s a shit ton isn’t it?” Connor laughs.

“Yeah.”

I keep talking with Connor and before I know it, my bowl of fruit is empty. I go to pick up another piece of banana but I’m met with plastic. “Connor, look!” I exclaim.

Connor rushes over to me, “Ava! What’s happened?”

“I ate it all! It’s all gone!”

“That’s great Avey! I’m so proud of you!” Connor shouts in excitement. We both go and sit down on the couch and watch Netflix for a while.

“I love you, Connor,” I break the silence after a while.

“That’s good Ava, because guess what?”

“What, Conny?”

“Because I love you too.”

“That’s good.”

**(Connor’s P.O.V)**

Ava and I sit on the couch for a while and then I feel Ava’s head lay down on my shoulder. I begin stroking her hair and then I hear soft snores. I giggle to myself and look down at Ava. I gently pick her up and bring her to our bed. I lay down next to her I watch her sleep for a while and then I fall asleep myself.


	7. Anxiety and Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Depression(?), SELF HARM so if that's not your cup of tea, skip to the next chapter, or leave this story now because there will be more.

**(Ava’s P.O.V)**

I wake up and begin getting ready for work. I grab my metro card and begin walking to the train station. Once I get there, I wait at the station and I see my train come and I get on it. I plug in my earphones and listen to my music. Before I know it, my train stops at my station and I get off. I walk to MED and my eyes are immediately met with Maggie’s when I walk into the E.D and she runs up to me, “Ava! We missed you here! Dr. Marcel is a great surgeon and all, but he’s better on the night shift,” she complains to me.

“Haha!” I laugh, “Don’t worry now because I’m back now! Connor starts at 11 so you’re stuck with me for the meantime.” I say.

Suddenly the siren goes off, “INCOMING! Trauma 3, Ava you’re gonna get that!” Maggie yells. I rush over to the victim and look at the paramedics.

“40-year-old male, GCS 80/40, he was going 120 on the left lane on the highway when he collided with a truck. He was unconscious on the ride here and he suffered a cardiac arrest. We got him back in rhythm though”

“Alright, move him on my count, 1. 2. 3! Transfer! April get chest x-ray ready.”

“Got it!” We get the x-ray and I see that the patient has a pneumothorax.

“He's suffering from a pneumothorax! We need a chest tube! ELSA!” I shout.

“Yeah?” She replies as she rushes in.

“I need you to put a chest tube in for our patient here.”

“On it!” I watch carefully as Elsa puts the chest tube in and then the monitors begin going off.

“Elsa! You start on his chest! April, you push a round of epi!” I watch as April puts in the Epi and I pick up the panels.

“Epi’s in!”

“Alright, charge to 200.”

“Charged!”

“Alright! Clear!” I shock the patient and he doesn’t come back into rhythm.

We go on for about 10 more minutes and we declare the death, “Time of death, 5:29.” I take a really shaky breath and excuse myself out of the room. I walk off to the doctor’s lounge and I begin crying. After a while, I hear the door open and I feel arms wrap around me. But they aren’t Connor’s arms. They’re too small for that.

“Ava?” I recognize the voice and it’s Natalie, “Ava, what’s wrong?” She asks me.   
“Everything. Everything is so stressful. I know that losing people is my job, but sometimes it gets too much you know?”

“Hey, come sit down,” Natalie directs me to the sofa, “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Do you need to go talk to Dr. Charles?”

“No, I’m seeing him at 9am. I’m gonna be alright for now.”

“Are you sure? You can talk to me,” Natalie looks at me concerned.

“Yeah. I’ll be alright. Do you wanna meet for lunch Nat?”

“Definitely! 12, maybe?”

“Yeah that works! See you then!”

I walk around doing consults for the next couple of hours and then I walk up to Dr. Charles' office. I knock on the door very softly and wait for Dr. Charles to reply. Once he replies, I slowly walk in and greet him. “Good morning, Ava. Did you have a good break?”

“Good morning, Dr. Charles. Yes, I’ve had a good break. It was nice to have a rest and get away from work,” I reply.

“So, last time I saw you, you hadn’t eaten properly in days, has that changed?”  
“Yes, Connor has been making sure I eat. Day by day, I’ve been eating more and more over the past 3 days.”

“Alright, have you been forcefully making yourself throw up after eating?”

“I did once the first time Connor served me a big meal, but after that Connor made sure that he supervises me for at least 2 hours after eating.”

“So you haven’t thrown up anymore?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“That’s good. So can we talk more about your insecurities?”

“Yeah alright.” We talk about my family and I begin crying. I sit there crying for about 20 minutes and Dr. Charles watches me the whole time. Surprisingly, I’m not embarrassed, it just feels natural. It’s probably because I’ve done it so many times.

“Natalie told me you had an anxiety attack sort of thing this morning, is that true?” Dr. Charles asks.

“Yeah, it was mainly because I had just come back today and immediately lost a patient. Everything happened so quickly and I didn’t get a chance to understand it all,” I explain.

“And you didn’t think to come to talk to me?”

“Well, I came in early and I was already coming in later so I wasn’t going to bother you.”

“You’re never a bother Ava, you’re always welcome to come and talk to me.”

“Thanks, Dr. Charles.”

“That’s alright, Ava. I think we’re done. Do you want to meet again next week?”

“Yes, that would be great. I’ll see you then.”

“Bye Ava,” We say our goodbyes and leave.


End file.
